I hope you're well and having a fabulous start to the new week :) I've made a decision to try to do something I haven't been doing. Something I haven't done in a very long time actually, not in a serious way anyway. Before I explain, please know that this isn't an invitation to a pity party, more an awakening I've had and wanted to share.
When I was younger I used to run, I belonged to a hill walking club. I'd think nothing of a six mile walk into town on the weekend to wander around the shops and then walk home again. Jump forwards to now and I can't walk to the bottom of the street without awful pain from the osteo arthritis in the base of my spine and the inflammatory arthritis everywhere else :/
Yesterday I got a call from our Doctor's office asking me to come in to have my bloods re-done and I realized something honeys. I'm sick of being sick. I also realized something else that made me sit down and take a good long look at how I've been living. I realized that somewhere along the last 17 or 18 years I've been ill, I gave up fighting. That makes me no end of sad honeys.
I'm such a stubborn person, I always have been, but like water running over a rock, life in general and arthritis/pain in particular, has worn away far too much of me. They've made me give up too, too much of both myself and the life we used to have.
I keep myself busy when I'm not at work with little organizing projects, knitting squares for my (hopefully one day to be completed) blanket, finding recipes to try for my beloved Hubby, and of course writing this blog :) You see, that's the thing honeys, I'm keeping myself busy. I love being a housewife more than anything, I love looking after Hubby & our furbaby Jade. I adore keeping our little home as comfortable and as welcoming as I can.
The one thing I don't do though is to look after myself. There! That feeling right there! An involuntary shudder immediately followed by my inner voice yelling "selfish" at me. Does there come a time when looking after ourselves becomes not so selfish?
I genuinely can't remember the last time I put on make up. I used to wear it to work (left over from my days working in offices when power suits, heels & make up were a uniform) but without even noticing I gave up that 10 minutes of self care too. Unwittingly I've told myself I'm not worth the effort. In the same way I've just stopped any kind of pro-active efforts towards my health.
I do as I'm told. I take the medication they tell me to, I attend appointments I'm given for blood tests, blood pressure tests, x rays, physio etc etc but I've gotten so sick of being nothing more than a collection of symptoms that I've somehow decided somewhere in my brain that I'm not worth all this bother and I've given up on doing anything to help myself.
It's an earth shaking, and upsetting, revelation to have honeys. I gave up on myself.
Time to begin a new project I think. Project me. There she is! That inner shrieking shrew again :/ I have no idea how to silence her but I have to try. Do you remember I posted recently about having terribly dry skin on my face? I bought a day and a night cream in order to try to deal with the horrible, flaking skin I'd developed on my forehead and eyebrow areas.
It never even occurred to me that the solution could be as simple as turning on a tap!
At night with dinner Hubby and I always have a glass of milk or fruit juice and while I do take a bottle of water to work with me on the weekends all week long I never look at water unless I'm making a cup of tea.
I have resolved to ignore the shrieking shrew in my head and her accusations of selfishness and to make changes. First of these changes is to make a point of drinking more water. I went into the kitchen yesterday and looked for some inspiration. I spotted our smoothie maker and a tiny light bulb lit up!
I fetched one of the spare bottles which attach to our blender/smoothie maker and looked at the measurements printed on the bottle itself. When full it holds 600ml or 20 fl oz which is just over a pint. I immediately made a promise to myself that I'd fill a bottle with water and intend to have drunk all of it by lunch time each day, with a view to doubling the amount when I've gotten used to the new regime.
Today was day two and I'm happy to report it was really easy to do! Bonus is that I'm drinking less soda/fizzy drinks. The idea filtered through though that it might get a little boring after a while and how was I to avoid that...
Easy! Off to our fruit bowl where I swooped up a couple of lemons and limes which were washed thoroughly and sliced.
Then I did this...
Of course by adding these lovely zingy slices of yumminess I'm also adding much needed vitamin C too. I've also decided to ditch the fruit juice I add to smoothies (not to mention getting back to making them more often) and replace that with water too.
Washing and slicing those lemons and limes took barely minutes but I have enough for days. It doesn't even have to be lemons and limes. Choose your favourite fruits, or veggies or even herbs.
I'm hoping the combination of drinking more water and the day and night creams will show on my skin although those tiny jars really do seem to be helping :)
What about you honeys? Do you feel selfish when considering taking care of you? Do you drink enough water? Are you a fellow spoonie? If so I'd love to hear if you ever get fed up of the constant poking & prodding & needle jabbing of the medical professionals?
I really do appreciate all of the health professionals who look after me more than I can begin to say. Their care is what's kept me going even when I've stopped caring for myself and I don't want to sound ungrateful, the problem is with me, not with them.
Till next time dear ones, smile lots and hug even more, huggles always xx
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