I have to begin with a huge apology. I've been neglecting this blog for too long, I'm so sorry for my lack of regular posts and thank you so much for being here anyway 💗 This hasn't been the best year dear ones.
This year started with a chest infection in January. Antibiotics and a course of steroids saw that on it's way but the run down "someone's drained all my energy reserves" feeling has never left.
Absolutely everything has been such an effort this year and I haven't been able to do a fraction of the things I had planned. I only work two days a week and even that has been too much for me for a while now. Where I used to lose a day or so to complete exhaustion after my shifts I'm now losing two or more. My energy reserves are so low now that everything is, as I said, an almighty effort.
OK, now I'm getting angry with myself! I don't do pity parties!<stomps wee foot> I've been battling fibro and arthritis, most recently with a discovery of osteo in my lower spine, for almost twenty years and my lungs have been trying to kill me for as long as I can remember but as irritating as it is to put up with, I keep going because I'm a stubborn wee thing.
If someone (even if it's my own body) tells me I can't do something I'll knock myself out trying to prove them wrong. I'm grateful for that stubbornness honeys, it's kept me going through some tough times and I'm praying that it never leaves me.
I've spent all of this past year waiting to feel better. To reclaim at least some of my energy reserves, to feel at least a little like my old self. Well, maybe my older self honeys since ideally I'd love to go back to the me before I lost my mobility. The me who used to run around a huge university campus like it was no distance at all. The me who had no patience to wait for the lifts at College and would run up the four floors of stairs to the computer lab instead. There are no words for how much I want that back.
Every day though dear ones, I'm mindful of how blessed I am. I don't go outside anymore, other than for doctors visits or to my two precious shifts at work, but I'm lucky to have a job in the times we're living in. I have our furbaby to keep me company during the day and a wonderful Hubby who does far too much to make my life easier. From picking up prescriptions to taking over our weekly grocery shop, which he's been doing for over a year now. Hubby is my biggest blessing and I don't deserve him. Love you sweetheart x
I'm blessed to have friends I love dearly, who phone me from across the other side of the world just to check I'm OK (thank you Francine, love you honey x)
So, dear ones, a wee update. I've been battling a chest infection for over nine weeks now, it seems <touch wood> to mostly have gone except for an annoying cough. Our Doctor sent me to the hospital for a chest x ray and I've now been referred to the Respiratory Clinic and will be having a CT scan of my chest this week to find out exactly what the thing is they've seen on my lung.
I'm so fed up of being an ill person honeys. I'm fed up of being reduced to the sum of my symptoms, ailments and medications. I want my old life back!
While I might have become the most stubborn wee Rosie ever, life also seems to have knocked the fight out of me. I need to try to get some of that back. Somewhere along the past few years I've given up honeys. I've resigned myself to putting up with how things are and I know the only one who can shake things up, change things, is me.
I need to take back control of me, wrestle as much as I can away from what's stopping me from actually living. I have no idea how to do that honeys so if you have any ideas they're welcome. I'd quite like to try Yoga, I even have two dvds upstairs but have never played them. Maybe that's a start. This might take some thought. Any ideas? How does a middle aged, achey wee person start to feel like a human again?
Whatever you're doing this weekend dear ones, have fun, smile till your face aches and don't miss a chance to hug, huggles always and thank you for keeping me company, it means more than I can say xx
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