Time To Talk Day 2024: On Furbaby Loss...

Hello Honeys, 

I'm sorry I've been missing.  I'm not coping honeys, not even a little bit.  Today is February 1st, it's Time To Talk Day.  This year's Time To Talk Day wants to encourage all of us to talk more, to reach out if we need to and to say what we feel and not to just say "fine" when asked how we are. 

As it happens, I'm not fine actually and I know I'm not alone.  It would be lovely if the world was always understanding, always empathic and always caring, but unfortunately, even with the best of intentions and the kindest of hearts, finding understanding over the loss of a furbaby can be difficult. 

In the last ten days or so I've heard of two others who have lost their beloved furbabies and it breaks my heart that others are going through the same pain.  At this time of year too, when we're beginning to escape winter, looking towards better days. 

The start of a new year is when we're able to look ahead to the sunnier days of spring, planning all of the fun things you'll do when the warmer days arrive.  Maybe planning holidays, home projects, time with family outside, barbeques in the garden.  It's when you take stock, when you want your family close and Jade was our family.

Jade really was the whole world to us, she was everything and there are no words for how painful it is to not have her here with us. This is the first time in decades, over thirty years, that we haven't had furbaby paws blessing our home and the house feels so incredibly empty.

The Promise...

Back when times were so much better, we did something I'm now bitterly regretting dear ones. We made a promise, we agreed, when we adopted our precious baby Jade that she would be our last ever furbaby.

At the time, of course, it seemed like such a sensible decision. Even back then, I was already battling rheumatoid arthritis and then later osteoarthritis in my spine, and with hubby's knees not being what they were, well, as I said, it seemed a sensible promise to make.

So yes, a promise was made back then, in 2010, with our beautiful baby still a puppy and and with her filling our whole world with smiles, but now our home is unbearably empty, unbearably quiet, unbearably still, and that decision just doesn't seem so sensible any more.

Memories Everywhere...

Our baby is everywhere in our home, honeys. We were upstairs recently, arranging the guest room for my much loved brother in law's recent visit and while making up his bed for him we found one of Jade's tennis balls by the foot of the bed, tucked away, just underneath. I wasn't expecting it of course and it hit me harder than any physical impact could honeys.

Her jackets are still hanging in the hall, on their own tiny "dog tail" hooks, all waiting for her to go walkies with her Dad. Her seagrass baskets, stacked neatly in their little tower in the hall, still have her towelling dressing gowns and bath towels waiting for her, along with her brushes and other little accessories. She's everywhere honeys, everywhere except with her Mummy and Daddy, where she belongs.

When The Obvious Solution Still Feels Wrong...

Over the years, so many times, when I've heard that a friend, a co-worker, a neighbour has lost their furbaby, I've always been so quick to recommend they go immediately to their local shelter. So many babies all desperately in need of love and the safety of a home, and a sofa, of their own.

Our baby Jade rescued me from the worst depression following the loss of both of our furbabies in a single week. One to cancer and her little brother to the (unintentional) negligence of a veterinary nurse who dropped him during a scan. This lead to a bleed on the brain, left untreated of course because she hadn't told anyone, certainly not us. By the time we later rushed him to the small animal hospital, try as they did, they couldn't save our baby. The pain of the loss we felt that week was blinding. Both our babies gone.

Then, as if the universe was trying to help, a photo of our baby Jade appeared on Facebook. It was posted by a local rescue and I wasn't even on their page, it just appeared in my home/feed page or whatever it's called. I was talking to a dear friend on direct message who was worried about me (thank you my wee angel, you know who you are x) and there she was. I knew the minute I saw her face and I yelled for Hubby. Hubby looked at Jade's photo and said "let's give them a phone..." What followed was a little over thirteen years of happiness, cuddles and love. Did I still hurt for my lost furbabies? Of course I did, but Jade truly saved me from the depression that was beginning to overwhelm me.

Why The Hesitation?

Do I desperately want to run there, now, immediately and find a baby who needs love? Of course I do!

Something happened though, during lockdown and in the years following it, dear ones. Being immuno-suppressed, I was home, just Jade and I, for almost four years. This has had the effect of not only leaving me battling anxiety attacks whenever I find myself any distance away from our home, but it has also forced me to become far more aware of my own mortality, in a very real way too.

Do I worry about dying every day? No honeys, I don't, but what it has done is changed how I look at the future. There was a very famous slogan here in the UK years ago, used by The Dog's Trust that said "a dog is for life, not just for Christmas." It's a wonderful slogan, reminding potential pet parents of the responsibility they're undertaking when they adopt.

In years gone by, we'd never have doubted our ability to easily devote fifteen or eighteen years to the love and welfare of a little furbaby. The pandemic though has made me question what would happen if Hubby or I got ill, do we even have fifteen years now? What would happen, God forbid, to a furbaby if anything happened to either of us? In short, dear ones, it's made me doubt the certainty of the future.

So, here we are. Missing our furbaby so much that it's become a physical pain in my heart, and the one thing I've spent years advising others to do, the one thing that truly does help a pain-filled heart, I'm too scared to do, and that's without even addressing that promise we made all those years ago...

What's Next...

I know that only time will help, and painful as it is right now, that the memories of our baby will be a huge part of healing too. I've been going through photos and I genuinely had no idea how many we had.💖 So, so many precious photos of our baby and in all of them, all of them, she looks so happy. I know that will be a comfort too, someday. That our baby was loved and that she was happy.

I've battled depression for so many years honeys, and I know that being isolated, alone most of the time, which I am now, isn't helpful. It's already difficult to go outside, thanks to having stayed home for so long, although I spent all of that time with our baby Jade and for that I'll always be grateful.

I always try, when I can, to be positive and when considering adopting again, I can only see positives. Having a furbaby with me when Hubby is at work, really would make the house less lonely. It's a very long day waiting for Hubby to get back home at night and I live in a street where all of my neighbours are out at work too so it's really quiet here all day long.

Having a furbaby might give me a reason to go outside again. Even if it's just to join Hubby for furbaby walks in the evenings. Could we give a good home to a furbaby? Yes, I know we could honeys. Should we not adopt in case something happens to either of us in the future? If we all lived that way, no one would ever go outside or do anything. I am trying to see this rationally, but still, I have doubts. This is the legacy that the pandemic has left me with.

Listening To Heal....

A wonderful "Ted Talk" appeared in the "new for you" panel, on Youtube honeys. I've no idea why it was suggested for me, can Google read minds? I only know that I'm so grateful it was. I cried while watching some of it but they were good tears, healing tears, and after watching, I felt (just a little bit) lighter.

It's for that reason that I thought I'd share it dear ones. As I said, I've heard of two others recently who have lost their beloved furbabies and I thought if I share this video, even if it helps one more person in the way it helped me, well that would be wonderful.

So, here it is then, the Ted Talk by Sarah Hoggan DVM, she is an emergency vet and a wonderful, caring soul and, if like us, you have lost your furbaby, or know someone who has, please do share her video.  I'll add the direct link below in case you'd like to forward it to anyone.💖  

Thank you for keeping me company honeys, it means more than I can tell say.💖 Sending you mountains of hugs always, and if you're lucky enough to have furbabies, sending so many hugs for them too.🥰💖  Stay warm and safe dear ones, till next time x

Links:

Pet loss grief; the pain explained - Sarah Hoggan DVM 

My playlist on furbaby loss and healing at Youtube

A happier playlist full of adorable furbaby smiles💖

See Me Scotland: Time To Talk Day 2024

Loss And Heartbreak💔

Hello Honeys, 

You don't have to read this ok?  I just need to get some thoughts and feelings out and have no where else to put them. We lost our sweet furbaby Jade, almost five weeks ago, in the early hours of October 28th and I'm not coping at all well dear ones, I'm really not.  

She was the best wee dog in the whole world, a gorgeous little Staffy cross with the most beautiful, softest black and tan fur and the sweetest, gentlest nature you could ever hope to meet on life's journey.💖

We were blessed to have been able to adopt Jade from a local rescue when she was (the rescue told us) "a few months old."  and, like all Mums, I wanted my baby to be able to have a birthday every year.  

Off we went then, a few weeks later, to her first vet's appointment, where we'd arranged for her to have the first of her puppy inoculations. 

During that first appointment, I asked the vet if there was any way she could tell us Jade's age, even a rough guess would do.  She'd asked why and I explained that I wanted her to have a birthday.  Our lovely vet, after looking Jade over carefully (and her teeth in particular) told us that as a (very rough) guess, she thought Jade was possibly no younger than five months and no older than seven months old, since she still had all of her baby teeth.

With this precious nugget of information acquired then honeys, I did the math in order to work out an "official" birthday for our baby.  Well, why shouldn't our baby have an official birthday? As I said at the time, Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth had one, and I was sure that as a furbaby parent herself, she would understand how precious furry family members could be and certainly wouldn't begrudge our wee one a special day.

So, since Jade had come to live with Mummy & Daddy on the 17th of October, and if the oldest her vet thought she might be was seven months old, then her official birthday would be... March 17th.  Yaaaay! Our baby's birthday would be St Patrick's Day!

We were blessed to have our baby as a part of our family for 13 years honeys, Jade would have been 14 this coming March, bless her. She was the absolute centre of our world and our home, she was everything to us. There isn't anywhere I can look without seeing some part of her.

Her little sofa is still sitting in front of her toy boxes across from where I'm typing this....

Her jackets are still hanging on her own wee "doggy tail" hooks at the front door. I was making the bed upstairs and found one of her tennis balls just under the bed and I swear it felt like someone hit me the hardest blow. My baby is everywhere but not with me and I can't bear it.

Every year I've always said I wish I could hibernate, like a wee grizzly bear. Jade didn't like winter either, bless her, the cold and damp and the almost constant darkness, so we'd mostly just snuggle on the sofa together, sharing a huge sherpa blanket, till spring. This year I really do want to sleep for the next few months, just till I don't feel like I'm being punched all the time.

As furbaby parents, we always know this day will come honeys, we know right at the beginning, but it always feels so far away. I remember losing my first furbaby, many years ago. I had no idea pain like that existed. My dear Granny told me that losing somebody we love is "only as sore as how much you love them, hen. Time will make it better."

It doesn't of course. We just get used to the loss. Like all of the bereavements we suffer through life, we get used to having a piece of ourselves missing I suppose. It's going to take a very long time for me to get used to how I'm feeling right now, I think.

I don't want this to read like a warning not to give your hearts to a furbaby honeys, quite the opposite! Is the pain of loss, the pain of heartbreak worth all of those years of cuddles and wet noses and one sided conversations (as if! Of course we learn to understand each other. It doesn't matter that others can't understand those snuffles and barks and tail wags, because pet parents do💗) Of course those years of love are worth the tears and there are so many furbabies waiting for their human to find them.

If you've read this, if you've kept me company, thank you so, so much honeys. It means more than I can say. Thank you for being such dear friends. For anyone else missing a piece of their hearts right now, please be kind to yourself. You're not on your own.💖 Till next time, dear ones, hugs always x

National Mother-In-Law Day And A Little Advice For Newlyweds💝

Hi Honeys, 

Do you love your Mother in Law?  I do. With all of my heart.💝 She was funny, loved coffee and a Jaffa cake. She loved roses, she could knit absolutely anything, she was so smart, she gave the best advice and she was the best listener too.  

Yesterday, our lovely American cousins celebrated National Mother-in-law day.  How wonderful is that?  Now I have another holiday I wish we could import and adopt in the UK.🥰  The other holiday being thanksgiving - a whole day devoted to being thankful for the blessings we're lucky enough to have, how fabulous is that?💖  

So, even though I'm a day late,  I just couldn't let it go by, without paying tribute to, in my humble opinion, the best Mother-in-law there's ever been.💖

My Selfish Hubby - The Parent Hoarder!

For years I've joked with my sweet hubby about his complete and utter selfishness and the hoarding of his lovely parents. I should probably explain. Hubby and I grew up in the same areas, we lived reasonably close to each other throughout our childhoods. Who knows, we might potentially have passed each other in our prams/strollers several times a week at the park, or at one of the supermarkets...😄  

I've always said we could easily have met long before we did, in our late teens, and then I could have shared his parents sooner.  But oh no! He had to hoard them all for himself... Is it asking too much for him to have waved a mitten at me from his pram or thrown a rattle?😊💖  

The Best Mother-In-Law...

On the night my beloved Granny, the woman I loved more than life, died, hubby phoned his family and my wonderful Mum-in-law immediately booked a train ticket for early next morning and travelled the 450 odd miles to be with us, staying over the weekend.  She was undergoing chemo at the time and had to then travel back on the Monday for her next chemo appointment on the Tuesday morning, only to travel back to us on the Wednesday morning to be with us for the funeral.

Mum was, like my Granny, such an amazing woman. She was always there when she was needed and always there even when she wasn't and I loved them both for that.  I swear honeys that I don't wish any ill or harm on anyone. Not ever, but it's never made sense to me that the world has so many bad people in it.  People who hurt others, who do wish others ill, and yet, "the powers that be" in the universe decided that two of the most loving and giving, least selfish women I've ever known, couldn't be in it anymore. I'm sorry, but that's just not fair. 

The Gift Of An Extra Mum... 

It's always saddened me to never have met anybody else who truly adored their "second Mum" as much as I did, and still do.  Really though, I never have and I can't understand why.  How can you not love an extra Mum?  What a fabulous gift! Of course, through the years, I have heard stories from co-workers about some less than loving Mothers-in-law too.  I can't help thinking though that, like most of life's problems, maybe it comes down to communication?  

Because of this, I thought I'd share a tiny bit of advice, given to me by my beloved Granny.  Advice that helped me to understand why my sweet Mum-in-laws attitude towards me had, ever so subtly, changed a wee bit since the wedding. So, for any new brides (or grooms) thinking they'll never get on with their new Mother-in-law...

Some Genius Advice From A Wee Scottish Granny...

I was so sure, in the run up to our wedding that I was on very good terms with my soon to be Mother-in-law, but it seemed to change after the wedding.  Nothing specific, she was never unkind to me, it just felt different.  A couple of months after our wedding, the phone rang.  I'd just made some tea and my Granny was there, hubby wasn't, he was outside.  On the phone was Mum (as my dear Mother-in-law had become.)  She asked to speak to Hubby and I said "he's outside, Mum.  I'll give him a yell for you..."

Mum: "Don't bother, I'll phone back." <click as the phone went dead> 

Me: 😯 <looks at phone> "That's it!  I've had it! <paces back and forth in our living room> What is that woman's problem? What have I done?  I'm a nice person, I have manners, I really like her, why doesn't she like me?"

Granny: <watches me pace while having a mini rant, sighed, sipped her tea and fed our wee dog a biscuit while waiting for me to run out of steam. I did of course.>   "Finished now have we?  I can tell you what you did.... if you want to know, and it's a terrible thing as well.  The worst, most painful thing any woman can do to another one actually..."

Me: 😳 <wind knocked out of sails.... sits down>  "What? What'd I do though?  Should I phone her back and say sorry?  What'd I do? Oh no! What'd I do Granny?"

Granny: "Like I said. You hurt her hen*(see below), you went and did the worst thing you could possibly do to her. You took her oldest son away."  

Me: <confused now> "No I didn't!  He's outside, with his head under the bonnet of a car! He's fixing some wot-not or whatever.  I haven't taken him anywhere!" <points at window to make the point> 

Granny: "Aye, hen, but he's no her wee boy anymore, is he?"      

Me: <blinks rapidly> "That's daft though! How can I fix that?"

Granny: (and this right here is why she was, God bless her, the best Granny the good Lord ever put on this earth) "Oh, it's easy enough to fix. She's same as any woman, scared she's lost her son, so all you have to do is show her she's no lost him, and that she won't." 

Me: "What?" <never thought about it before, but I might not be the smartest grandchild in the family😊>

Granny:  "Both of you, go for a walk over to her house on a Sunday, after dinner. It's a good wee walk for the dog.  Take her a box of chocolates or some flowers.  Every now and again, send him on his own.  Make sure he doesn't miss a Sunday, even if you're no always with him." 

Me: "But she works all week, she's got two jobs, what if she gets fed up seeing us every single Sunday?" 

Granny: "Nae mother ever gets fed up seeing her weans hen, but she'll no worry about losing him anymore, will she?"  

So, there it is honeys.  A tiny piece of genius advice from my wee Scottish Granny.  I hope that it might help somebody out there on the internet break the "fear of losing her wean" barrier that might exist between them and their fabulous, absolutely awesome, wonderful, best pal (even if you don't know it yet) Mother-in-law.💖

Last Thoughts And Counting Your Blessings...

To anyone lucky enough, blessed, to still have their Mother-in-law, their Mother or their Granny still with them.  Life is so, so short honeys.  For all of us who wish, with every fibre of our being that we could see ours again, even one more time.  Please give them a call, or even better, if you can, go visit and give them the tightest, squashiest, so full of "love you" hugs, like the ones that we all wish we could give?  I guarantee, it'll mean the world to them and you'll be so glad someday you did.

Wishing you the best week dear ones, till next time, thank you for keeping me company.  It means more than I can say, hugs always x

*Note: Just a wee note for anyone who may not know.  The word hen in Scotland can indeed refer to a bird who supplies eggs, but in most cases, is a term of endearment and will be used when speaking to a (usually younger) female. 

For example: "Would you like a cuppa hen?" if addressed to an (again, usually younger) man, the same statement might be "would you like a cuppa son?" Used whether you are the mans mother or not, it's just a term of endearment, just slang, hugs x 

 

Rosie's Adventure: My First Trip Outside In Almost 4 Years...

Hi Honeys, 

How are you today? All well I hope?  This morning I was in the kitchen, watching two adorable collared doves at the feeders on our little apple tree when it dawned on me how many leaves there are all over the garden.  It was pretty windy, and rainy, during last night so, it's officially autumn then I suppose.🍂

Poor Hubby.  Every year he spends hours in our back garden, cleaning up all of the leaves only to go back inside and in no time at all, you'd swear the trees wait until he closes the back door and give themselves a good shake, because it's just as "leafy" all over again.🍂😊 

I'm so sorry I've been missing for so long.  Things have been happening.  Not world ending things, but they've certainly made life challenging.  Yes.  Challenging is a good word for it.  

I have no idea how long this post will be, but I get the feeling that this is probably a post to get comfy for honeys.  It might be a good idea to go grab a cuppa (and maybe a cookie or two... no, bring the pack🍪😊) and I'll meet you here after the break?  See you in a few minutes...

Test.

 Ignore this please honeys, blogger won't let me sign in to reply to comments. Sorry x 

Coping, Comments And Apologies...

Hi Honeys, 

I noticed something this morning and just wanted to post an apology, lots of apologies actually.💖  

I'd noticed recently that a lovely comment had been left under one of my posts (weekend musings and finding smiles) but before I could reply it disappeared.  Actually a bunch of comments, under lots of different posts, have been deleted but as far as I know the rest were "spam" comments (not related to anything in the post but including a link to a website, or sometimes just a link itself.)  

I have no idea if it's Google who've done a "clear up" of some kind, (although I don't remember them ever having done it before) or if whoever left the lovely comment (it mentioned the roses💖) came back and deleted it, thinking I couldn't be bothered to reply?  I do hope that's not what happened honeys, I really do.  I had noticed the comment but just wasn't able to reply at the time. 

Scroll past this next bit honeys, life's too short x

Anyone who has read any of the posts in this blog will know dear ones, that I dislike "pity parties" and try really hard not to let myself wallow in any "woe is me" time.  I've battled depression for too many years and know how easily it can take over.  Far better to be positive, to see the best in situations and to count my blessings, of which there are many I know and for which I really am very, very grateful.  For the last, almost two years though, it's been incredibly difficult to find my inner Pollyanna, my always happy, always "it'll be fine" attitude.  I'm still looking for her though x

This has had a domino effect on other areas of my life too, making it more difficult to cope with (or put up with) worsening health issues including stubbornly high blood pressure, asthma and arthritis (rheumatoid and osteo) that's trying to take away what little mobility I have left.   Apparently the osteoarthritis in my spine may have "progressed" they won't know for sure until I have another MRI scan.  I'm due back to the hospital clinic in the autumn so might find out then.  I don't sleep honeys, most often I have two to four hours broken sleep every night.  

You can see why dear ones that I try very hard not to wallow. I'm trying to find my way back to the sunnier me, some days it's just so much harder is all.  Now, that's enough complaining, really enough and if you just read all of that, thank you dear ones for caring.💞  It means more than I can tell you🥰💖🤗  

Comments and apologies...

Back to this post then.  I just really wanted to apologise to whoever had written that lovely comment (there wasn't a name, I think it just said unknown) I'm sorry that I wasn't able to reply before it was deleted.  If you should ever get to see this post, thank you for taking the time to comment and for being so sweet.💖🤗🥰  

I'm sorry honeys that I haven't been posting so often for such a while, I am trying to do better, but thank you for still keeping me company and making this little corner of the internet less lonely.💖🤗 

I hope that you're having the best week and looking forward to the weekend, till next time dear ones, sending you mountains of hugs always x

Easiest Ever Cheese & Onion Pasties...

Disclaimer:  I haven't been paid to promote any products or shops/stores.  Just sharing our adventure in meal prepping.🤗

Hi Honeys, 

How are you today?  All well I hope and having a fabulous week🤗 The temperatures are starting to rise a little, it's supposed to reach the dizzying heights of 15C today with no rain forecast at all!🎉 I know, it's a silly thing to get excited about but here I am, happier than anyone has a right to be.🥰

We're still finding things we can meal prep, batch cook and freeze ahead of time for dinners later in the month.  This is month three now of meal planning for the whole month and it's not just getting easier, it's saving us money on our food budget too.   

Today I thought I'd share one of our latest little experiments in meal prepping for our freezer😊 Today's is one of my favourites, although we've also been prepping Hubby's favourites, such as sausage rolls and the most awesome (Hubby says so😊) homemade beef & onion burgers.  

Back to todays little savory treat then honeys.😊 I've never been a huge fan of meat based savories preferring cheese & onion pasties instead.  I think every Scot has a favourite from the menu at Greggs, the now famous bakery/take-away chain and their cheese & onion pasty has always been mine. I once waved at Queen Elizabeth, The Queen Mother while clutching a little paper bag containing my Greggs cheese & onion pasty, I would have shared it with her too if she hadn't been in her car... oh well.😊

   

This post has quite a few images, as usual, so it might be worth fetching a cuppa (and maybe a cookie or two😊) and making yourself comfortable, dear ones.  I'll meet you back here in a few minutes with our cuppas, see you after the page break...