Loss And Heartbreak💔

Hello Honeys, 

You don't have to read this ok?  I just need to get some thoughts and feelings out and have no where else to put them. We lost our sweet furbaby Jade, almost five weeks ago, in the early hours of October 28th and I'm not coping at all well dear ones, I'm really not.  

She was the best wee dog in the whole world, a gorgeous little Staffy cross with the most beautiful, softest black and tan fur and the sweetest, gentlest nature you could ever hope to meet on life's journey.💖

We were blessed to have been able to adopt Jade from a local rescue when she was (the rescue told us) "a few months old."  and, like all Mums, I wanted my baby to be able to have a birthday every year.  

Off we went then, a few weeks later, to her first vet's appointment, where we'd arranged for her to have the first of her puppy inoculations. 

During that first appointment, I asked the vet if there was any way she could tell us Jade's age, even a rough guess would do.  She'd asked why and I explained that I wanted her to have a birthday.  Our lovely vet, after looking Jade over carefully (and her teeth in particular) told us that as a (very rough) guess, she thought Jade was possibly no younger than five months and no older than seven months old, since she still had all of her baby teeth.

With this precious nugget of information acquired then honeys, I did the math in order to work out an "official" birthday for our baby.  Well, why shouldn't our baby have an official birthday? As I said at the time, Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth had one, and I was sure that as a furbaby parent herself, she would understand how precious furry family members could be and certainly wouldn't begrudge our wee one a special day.

So, since Jade had come to live with Mummy & Daddy on the 17th of October, and if the oldest her vet thought she might be was seven months old, then her official birthday would be... March 17th.  Yaaaay! Our baby's birthday would be St Patrick's Day!

We were blessed to have our baby as a part of our family for 13 years honeys, Jade would have been 14 this coming March, bless her. She was the absolute centre of our world and our home, she was everything to us. There isn't anywhere I can look without seeing some part of her.

Her little sofa is still sitting in front of her toy boxes across from where I'm typing this....

Her jackets are still hanging on her own wee "doggy tail" hooks at the front door. I was making the bed upstairs and found one of her tennis balls just under the bed and I swear it felt like someone hit me the hardest blow. My baby is everywhere but not with me and I can't bear it.

Every year I've always said I wish I could hibernate, like a wee grizzly bear. Jade didn't like winter either, bless her, the cold and damp and the almost constant darkness, so we'd mostly just snuggle on the sofa together, sharing a huge sherpa blanket, till spring. This year I really do want to sleep for the next few months, just till I don't feel like I'm being punched all the time.

As furbaby parents, we always know this day will come honeys, we know right at the beginning, but it always feels so far away. I remember losing my first furbaby, many years ago. I had no idea pain like that existed. My dear Granny told me that losing somebody we love is "only as sore as how much you love them, hen. Time will make it better."

It doesn't of course. We just get used to the loss. Like all of the bereavements we suffer through life, we get used to having a piece of ourselves missing I suppose. It's going to take a very long time for me to get used to how I'm feeling right now, I think.

I don't want this to read like a warning not to give your hearts to a furbaby honeys, quite the opposite! Is the pain of loss, the pain of heartbreak worth all of those years of cuddles and wet noses and one sided conversations (as if! Of course we learn to understand each other. It doesn't matter that others can't understand those snuffles and barks and tail wags, because pet parents do💗) Of course those years of love are worth the tears and there are so many furbabies waiting for their human to find them.

If you've read this, if you've kept me company, thank you so, so much honeys. It means more than I can say. Thank you for being such dear friends. For anyone else missing a piece of their hearts right now, please be kind to yourself. You're not on your own.💖 Till next time, dear ones, hugs always x