Remembering Mum

Hello honeys
I'm sorry I haven't been around, coping has been difficult these past weeks.  Thursday was my sweet Mother-in-law's funeral. It really does break my heart that I wasn't able to go, living almost 500 miles away.  Even traveling less than two miles to work & back leaves me in such pain at times, but I would gladly have faced any amount of pain for Mum. Unfortunately though we had no one to mind Jade, who had hurt her leg and was limping for few days, thankfully she seems much better now.  Hubby travelled down though and says the service was lovely.

I organized for two dozen beautiful cerise roses to be delivered for the service and then decided, if I couldn't physically be there,  I'd say goodbye in my own way. So that is what I did.  Mum's service began at 2pm and I lit a lovely rose scented candle for her, at exactly 2pm, here at home. 

Coping with loss & looking for beauty

Hi honeys
I'm sorry I haven't posted for a while. I haven't been coping very well.  You might know from my last post that our family suffered a terrible loss recently and we're all trying to find a way of accepting & dealing with it. I've spent the past week or so trying very hard not to think.  It's too raw right now and I have no defence against the pain or the hurt.

I've been trying to keep myself busy. Too busy to think.  I designed some cards for Mum with lovely quotes I found.  I have a beautiful rose candle to light for her.  We always sent Mum roses on her Birthday & on Mothers Day every year. I can't bear that I'll never get to do that again.

This is one of the cards I made for Mum, the poem is so beautiful, I wish I knew who wrote it.  I've tried to find out but haven't had any luck, does anyone know? I'd love to find out.

Apologies & Sadness

Hello honeys,
I'm sorry I haven't posted this week. I have recipes and an organizing project on the back burner and waiting to be written up but I just can't concentrate.  we suffered the worst loss in the early hours of Sunday morning when we learned that we'd lost my dear sweet Mum in Law.

It feels wrong writing that on so many levels.  Firstly I don't ever refer to Mum as my Mother in Law, ever.  She's always just been "Mum" because that's what she's been to me.  A Mum and so, so much more.  She means the whole world to me and just like that she's gone. I haven't been able to process it yet and I know this "numb" stage will wear off, but for now I keep crying at the oddest times.  Crying when I'm washing dishes, crying when folding laundry... but it doesn't help.  It can't help.

I'm being absolutely no use to my dear Hubby either. He appears to be handling it so much better than I am, but I know he's not really. He's doing what he's always done. Being strong for me. I know he's in such terrible pain too but I also know he won't let me see it, bless him.

I really do desperately want to scream at whatever universal power is in charge of these things that it's just not bloody fair and I want Mum back.  She was the sweetest, kindest most loving woman. She worked hard all her life and never hurt anyone, and she had a heart the size of a planet. How can it be fair that we have to lose her so soon?

I really can't imagine my life without Mum being there and I just don't want to have to.  I know the whole family feels exactly the same.  It's not fair. Why is it that genuinely lovely people who've never hurt anyone else suffer the most?

Why isn't there a cosmic appeal panel for these decisions? I keep thinking that if the universe made any kind of sense we could point out when a colossal mistake had been made by the powers that be and have it undone. Is there some kind of unearthly quota to be met? If so, given the choice I'd gladly have gone instead of Mum.  She really did make the world a much better place just by being a part of it and it's gotten darker now that she isn't here.  It's not fair. x

 

Edit: No idea where this image came from originally, if it's yours please let me know and I'll remove it. Thank you x

Organizing - Paper, Paper, Everywhere!

Hi honeys,
I'm sorry I've been missing this week, life sort of took over, as it does.  Hubby & I are both on hols from work this week in the hope of getting some de-cluttering done in our home.   It's proving to be quite a task.

Having spent countless hours on Pinterest reading countless blog posts & magazine articles which all make it sound so easy to grab a rubbish bag and whoosh! job done, well it turns out that it really isn't that easy.  De-cluttering two lifetimes of accumulated stuff is hard work! So far our biggest job this week has been working our way through paperwork, lots of paperwork. I mean seriously honeys, it really does feel like mountains of it.

Not So Teeny Tiny Apple Update :)

Hi honeys,
I know it's a silly thing to be so happy about, but I can't help it :) Do you remember how absolutely elated I was to discover the first ever teeny tiny apple on the apple tree in our back garden? 

I then happily kept an eye on it :)  Every day my dear wee furbaby Jade & I  go check on it and it's been such fun watching it change.  I posted an update a few weeks ago  and I thought I'd share another update on our now not so teeny weeny apple's progress :) 

This is how it looks now.....

I'm excited to see how large it'll grow, as I'd told you before we bought this apple tree from Woolworths nearly seven years ago and even though the past couple of years we've had the most gorgeous apple blossom this is the very first apple.  So here it is, this is the journey of our very first apple so far.....

Scrummy & Super Easy Choc Swiss Roll

Hello again honeys,
Rainy miserable day yesterday, so while working through loads of laundry, I got a bit fed up and this happened.....

Hubby had a slice with a cuppa and said he was "well chuffed" - translation for non Scots - he liked it😊  Bless him! I often wonder if he'd even tell me if he hated anything I made for him.  I'm a very lucky lady honeys 💗

Wanna make some lovely, and super easy, Swiss roll to have with a cuppa? Let's get started then.....