Thoughts On My First Trip Out Into The World in 8 Months...

Disclaimer: I haven't been paid to recommend any products, just wanted to share my first trip outside since lock down x 

 Hi Honeys, 

Well, yesterday was an adventure! I was only out of the house for a little under an hour but it raised both my blood pressure (ended up with the worst headache) and anxiety levels, left me feeling completely drained and, to put it mildly, it knocked the stuffing out of me honeys 😨  

If you've ever read this blog before, you'll know I don't do "pity parties."  Nothing good has ever been achieved by sitting in a corner feeling sorry for yourself. I know, because in the past (until I learned better) I did it and determined to never, ever do it again.   

Now, sitting in front of a beautiful canvas and meditating (even when you're completely unaware, until a lovely person tells you, that's what you've been doing) can be life changing.  You can find out what I mean here, honeys x

So, what happened yesterday then, Rosie, and what have you found out? I hear you ask 😊  This is quite a long post, so it might be worth while fetching a cuppa (and maybe a cookie or two🍪) I'll meet you back here after the page break, see you in a mo...

 

Welcome back honeys, do you have your cuppa? Me too ☕  Back to yesterday then...

A hermit ventures out

Well, I had to have my bloods done yesterday, because of one of the meds I take for my RA.  Now, this meant a trip to the local Health Centre.  I don't drive, so I'd booked a taxi to pick me up at 9.30am, for my 9.45 am appointment.  I had also booked a taxi to pick me up again at 10.10 am, in case the health centre was busy (as often happens at the Drs) and there was a wait.  

I haven't used my walking stick/cane for months.  I have recently tried going outside a couple of times, with Hubby and our furbaby Jade on (very) short walks from our home, but on those couple of occasions I used my walker/rollator.  Indoors, I've relied on holding on to the furniture and the dado rail that's all around the walls of our house for support.  I feel safe that way and less likely to have falls. Had a few of those, they're not fun and they hurt. 

Yesterday meant going further than the bottom of our little cul de sac though honeys and with only my walking stick to hang onto.  I hadn't been to this new Health Centre before, so I didn't know the lie of the land so to speak, I did know my appointment was on the first floor.   

While waiting for the taxi to arrive I gathered my supplies, needed for my adventure.  In my jacket pocket, I had a bottle of hand sanitiser, my mask and my purse (I have to pay taxi fare after all) and of course my house keys.  Hubby works from home right now but he is a key worker and is engaged in conference calls all day, so he can't leave his desk, so I'd need my keys to get back into our home.

Setting off...

The taxi arrived, beeped his horn and I set off out into the world.  The driver was so kind, he saw me coming toward the taxi and got out and opened the door for me and put the lower step down. I have tiny legs (even petite length trousers are too long) and trying to get into a taxi from ground level is more difficult than when stepping up from a pavement or kerb. 

I had worried that ordering a taxi for 9.30 am might make me late for my appointment but in fact I was there around ten minutes early.  The large glass doors to the Health Centre were locked, instead there was a sign outside asking visitors to press the appropriate buzzer.  I pressed the buzzer marked "blood tests" and a voice asked my name and address and then buzzed the door for me to come inside.  The door closed and locked again behind me.  

I went inside to the foyer, there was a receptionist at a very large desk but she didn't look at me so, with my lower spine already very painful, I went to the tiny lift and went up to the first floor as I'd been told.

Upstairs was completely empty. No one to be seen at all.  There was a large waiting room and there were two or three doors, one of which was partly open and another was labelled with a sheet of A4 paper that said "phlebotomy" and as I wondered if I should knock on the door to let someone know I was there, a nurse appeared from the other, partly open doorway and asked if I was there for a blood test?  I replied yes and she asked me to take a seat and left. She had such a lovely, friendly, voice.

 

Fastest bloods ever and an unexpected kindness

A few seconds later the door marked "phlebotomy" opened and a very smiley, (even with the mask you could see her eyes smile) very friendly nurse appeared and said my name, I said hello and went into her room.  I was asked to leave my coat on the chair by the door and sit on a large chair by her work station, which was a trolley laid out with items. 

Fastest blood test ever, she drew my little vials of blood and put a little sticky plaster on my arm.  she was so friendly, we chatted away while she worked and she helped me on with my jacket, which I was very grateful for because I wasn't feeling at all stable with my walking stick.  I asked her what time it was, to make sure I hadn't missed my taxi picking me up outside.  

I hadn't lifted my phone and since I wear braces on my hands and wrists, I haven't worn a watch for years.  My friendly nurse told me it was 9.45 am, I said oh no! and I explained I had ordered a taxi to take me home but that it wasn't due till 10.10 am.  She asked me which company I'd booked from and she called them for me and asked if my pre-booked taxi could come pick me up now instead.  

This was so sweet of her honeys, above and beyond. I thanked her for her help, and said goodbye and headed for the lift again. I only had to wait a few minutes outside and I was in a taxi and on my way home again.  The taxi driver, again was lovely, so friendly, and we chatted, in spite of our masks, all the way home.  Once home, I hugged Jade and ended up with the worst headache. 

The aftermath and what I learned

I felt just beyond awful for the rest of the day yesterday.  This was a wake up call of sorts.  My arthritis has been worsening for some years now, chipping away at my mobility.  I've kept going, kept working, because I'm stubborn.  To a fault, I've been told 😊  With regards to my arthritis, I'm actually really grateful for this stubbornness, because it's refused to let me give up, even on bad days. 

What I learned yesterday though honeys, is that my arthritis appearsto have "re-set" itself, just as it has many times over the years, and I think it might take me more than just being stubborn to deal with this latest setback.  For months now, I haven't been able to stand for very long at all.  The pain in my spine, where they found osteoarthritis a few years ago, is almost unbearable.  Walking too, is very painful.    

So, I now have to find an (equally stubborn) new way to deal with this change, to work with this re-set of my mobility levels without letting it beat me.  

I haven't been to work since March, because of the lock down at first and then because I was placed in the medically vulnerable group by my employers (in spite of my arguing I shouldn't be.)  I love my job. I truly do.  Always have.  It's my only opportunity, other than doctors and hospital appointments, to be outside our home.  My job, in retail on a large checkout, is however a manual one.  

In fact, I haven't been coping at all well (working two shifts over a weekend and taking 3-4 days to recover) for at least the last eighteen months or so.  I've been fooling myself.  I've been telling myself that I can jump back into my shifts again whenever I want to, it's totally up to me, could do it in a heartbeat, you're not the boss of me, arthritis!  Yesterday forced me to confront how really bad my mobility has become. It was a wake up call. 

I don't think I can continue at work and that breaks my heart.  It's where my friends are, it's where I see regular customers every week, some of whom I've been serving for around fifteen years.  Hubby says leaving a job you've been happy in, especially when you've been there a long time, can be like a bereavement.  I've already had a good cry, a couple of good cries actually.  It didn't help, not even a little. 

Now, I need to figure out the future.  I'll need some advice on physio.  I have to believe there is a way to hold this back from getting any worse than it has.  Physio will help, I know it will.  "use it, or lose it" as the old saying goes honeys, add in a good dose of that stubbornness and it will keep me going I'm sure. 

 

My lessons learned from my first real trip outside in 8 months... 

1. Masks suck!

They do, honeys, they suck so much they cause a vacuum.  They suck even more when you have lung issues and have trouble breathing at times, even without the mask being there.  Technically, I'm exempt from wearing a mask but I felt it was better to wear one.  If you're exempt too, you can see my post (with links to downloadable exemption cards and a free printable) here. 

The night before my appointment, Hubby had given me one of these...   

It's a silicone, sort of frame kind of thing, that sits inside your mask, between the mask itself and your face.  This allows for extra space, for the mask not to be flush against your nose, mouth and skin.  It really did help yesterday, because even though it still felt awful having a barrier to fresh air, to actually breathing normally, I know I wouldn't have coped at all without it.  

I'd ordered a pack of these (there were five in a pack) a while ago for Hubby from Amazon and he's been using them since, whenever he's had to go into the office or do our grocery shop.  They have two little "clips" either side (you can see them in the photo) which clip onto the inside of the disposable masks and hold it in place.  In a cotton mask (like the one above) the mask itself holds it in place so the clips aren't really needed.  

Because they're made from silicone, you can throw them into the washing machine, on a hot wash, with your mask and they're cleaned for their next use.  We paid around £4 for five of these little mask frame things and given how long Hubby has used his, and how many hot washes they've had, they've been a blessing.   

I know that wearing masks is required right now, on public transport, in public places such as banks, shops etc, and we'll all do it, to keep other people safe and to keep ourselves safe.  Anything that can make the process of being trapped behind those uncomfortable little pieces of fabric is a blessing, certainly, but the fact remains honeys, masks suck.    

2. Spoonie hand sanitiser training rocks!

I forgot my phone yesterday honeys, but I didn't forget my bottle of hand sanitiser.  Spoonies (those who live with long term chronic illnesses) have been in training for this pandemic for years, without even knowing it.  We're constantly aware of hygiene, of what we touch and allow to touch us.  

We know that, often, we are living with an immune system that is being suppressed by the medication we take and because of that we have to be more aware of anything that can make us ill.  

Yesterday, I was so grateful for the habit, ingrained over the past fifteen years, of passing the little container in our entryway that is home to bottles of hand sanitiser, and automatically lifting a bottle before heading out of the front door 💖   

3. People are lovely 💖

I interacted, face to face, with four people yesterday.  Two taxi drivers and two nurses at the Health Centre. All of them were so friendly, so helpful, and all of them made me painfully aware (not on purpose) that, as much as I adore Hubby and our baby Jade, with Hubby working mainly from home for months now, only going into the office one day a week, well, we've been living in a very isolated bubble.  

It was so joyful, just being out of the house yesterday for a while, just breathing fresh air (even through the mask) and with all of the awfulness in the papers on a daily basis, it was wonderful to be reminded how genuinely lovely the world can be.  

The lovely nurse who called and arranged my taxi so I could get home, she didn't have to do that, but she did.  It was such a kind thing to do and I'm so grateful for it.  I was so anxious yesterday, just being outside, so helping me avoid having to wait outside for almost half an hour until my booked taxi arrived was such a blessing.

Do you believe in angels?  I do.  I always have.  I don't think they (always) have wings and halos though.  Sometimes they appear, right when you need them and help you along your way and some days your angel might be wearing a nurses uniform and seem to know somehow that you're not coping very well with being outside 💖   

4. I miss the world 💔

I really do.  My shifts at work every weekend allowed me to maintain a tiny place in the world and if I'm going to lose that, well, there, now I'm crying again.  Sorry about that honeys, I had to give myself a talking to, pull up my "big girl" pants and put on my "be positive" hat.  

The world does seem like such a lonely place right now, you can't (in Scotland anyway) go visit, or have friends visit you.  We're all living in isolated bubbles but it has to get better honeys and it will.  This too shall pass.  Everything does. 

The sun will come out again, life will go on and in 134 days spring will arrive and roses will be growing again in our little garden.  Things will get better honeys, they will.  In the meantime, find some joy in your day and hold onto it tightly.  Right now, I'm hugging Jade on our sofa and Hubby will be downstairs soon so we can start dinner.  That's all the joy that I need 💖  

Wishing you mountains of joy, hugs, laughter and all good things dear ones, hugs always xx