As a part of our (on-going) home organization project I've been gathering photos together into one place, as opposed to scattered around our home as they seem to have been. Little packets of photos I've had developed over the years and never gotten around to framing or putting into albums.
Each time I find a small packet of these photographs, long since forgotten, in boxes, in drawers and cupboards, I have no idea what I'm going to see when I open the pack. Memories certainly, some happy, some now tinged with a terrible sadness. Photographs of lost loved ones are the most painful.
Have you ever looked at an image and wished so desperately to be able to step into it honeys? I'll always miss my loved ones taken from us too soon, till my last breath I'll miss them but I'm choosing to see finding these long forgotten images as a blessing.
A reminder of happier times when I could lift the phone and hear their voices. These precious photographs are tiny bubbles of time, perfectly preserved. I know that looking at them is only painful because I haven't processed so many losses yet and I also know that when I am able to work through all of the grief I carry with me every day the pain will lessen and I'll be able to smile instead. Feel happy when I look at those treasured images instead of sadness.
I've discovered something else honeys. I have very, very few photographs of myself. If I could turn the clock back maybe I might have tried to avoid the camera a bit less I think. I would have tried to work through issues, a consequence of being told repeatedly how ugly I was for many, many years by two (very) toxic friends. Even now, on this blog, there isn't a single photo of me. Nor will there be anytime soon honeys.
I'm actually far more comfortable in my own skin than I was a few years ago. This was helped I think by the removal of those toxic friends from my life and by the passing of time. The absence of the drip drip of well aimed, downright nasty comments has allowed the countless compliments from my dear Hubby (thank you sweetheart x) to, if not be entirely believed, to at least not be entirely drowned out.
Do I think I'm pretty? Absolutely not! Do I think I'm the most hideous, troll beast who ever crawled out from under a bridge? Well, less so than I used to... and I'm working on it honeys. Which brings me to the point of this post.
The very second that someone, anyone, tells you that you are less than, that is the second they become less than themselves. Less than a decent human being and less than worth your time or effort. No matter who this person is, whether it's a "friend" (no real friend would ever hurt you) or a relative (all through my childhood I had an aunt who would constantly, and loudly, announce that I carried my own sofa with me to sit on) or a boyfriend (immediately kick THAT to the kerb!) NO MATTER who it is who does this to you honeys, get it out of your life and if you can't do that (we can't choose our family for instance) it needs to be dealt with.
No one. No one. Has the right to make you feel badly about yourself dear ones. Ever. You are a wonderful, original, perfect you. There's no one else on this earth who is you. You're more special, more beautiful than you could ever imagine and anyone who ever tells you otherwise, calls you names or ever tries to hurt you is completely unworthy of you.
Your task for this weekend then honeys is this. Do something, anything, just for you. Something that makes you smile so much your face aches and leaves you feeling fabulous. Something that makes you feel like the wonderful, amazing person you are. Doesn't have to be anything huge, it just has to make you smile. Today I'm going to wear make up and put on one of my "going out" dresses even though I haven't gone out in an age and the farthest I'm likely to go is grocery shopping :) Do something for you honeys and have a fabulous weekend, stay warm and safe, smile lots and hug more :) huggles always dear ones xx