Wednesday, 3 September 2014

Blogtember Challenge: Day 3: When I grow up....

Hello again honeys
Well, here we are on day three of the lovely Bailey Jean's Blogtember Challenge.  Have you joined in yet?  Today's prompt is:

Sept 3rd: "When I grow up I want to be...." Feel free to answer as your 5-year-old self or as of now.

As a middle aged lady I approached this topic with a smile. I'm as wise as I'm likely to get, and that's not very I'm afraid.  Taking the hypothesis at face value though, that I can still at my age "grow up" then yes, I'm willing to admit that there are some improvements to be made, and even some maturing or "growing up" to be done, even at my age.

We're supposed to learn from our life experiences. Touch something hot, it burns our fingers, we learn not to touch anything hot again, right? In theory this is how life experience works. Unfortunately, I am a very, very poor student when it comes to life lessons.

As an example, I don't give up on people easily, never have.  No matter what they've done to hurt me. This should be a strength of character shouldn't it? Arguably not. It can be a destructive, self defeating, damaging trait that can, believe me I speak from experience, make a person ill.  It's a sad fact that not everyone we meet in our lives will be of "good character."  That is to say will always act in a kind and unselfish manner.

Not to put too fine a point on it honeys, some people are born jerks. They exist in a selfish uncaring bubble and see no fault in using others to suit their own ends. That's not to say that anyone who has ever said or done anything to hurt your feelings is a jerk. Most people will at some point in their lives say or do something that will, however unintended it is, hurt someone else. That's being human, being fallible, apt to make mistakes.

So, how do we spot the jerks in our lives? How do we prevent ourselves from putting up with excessive amounts of poor treatment from others?

Back to our writing prompt for the day, "when I grow up I want to be....." less gullible. If I could change any personality trait I have, it would be this one.  Do I want to be less forgiving? Less caring of others? Absolutely not. I would however love to be able to learn how to easily spot "the line."

The line which, once crossed, signals that the relationship, be it a romantic one, friendship or any other type, has become unalterably toxic. The line which is only reached after many, many other "lines" have been sailed across without remorse, without any thought for your feelings or well being.

By continually making excuses for such people in our lives, we're excusing their bad behaviour.  We're saying our own feelings don't matter, that we don't matter. I did this for many years with several school friends and it was only by putting some distance between us that I began to see the full extent of the behaviour I had been tolerating for so many years, and more importantly, the damage it had done.

Any "friend" who belittles you, makes you feel inferior or bad about yourself, trust me, is not a friend.  Friends support each other, care about each other. Friends are not "takers" who constantly drain others of emotion, energy, money or possessions. If you ever notice that you feel anxious at the thought of seeing someone, of their visiting, this is a good indication that it might be better to remove yourself from that relationship.

So there it is honeys, when I grow up I want to be less gullible. I want to learn how to "read" people better and to avoid the ones who will hurt me, just because they can.
Till next time dear ones, hugs always xx

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